jmidworth

from out of brilliant sunshine

i stumbled into shade,

i held my breath but

felt so unafraid;

i saw the ground below me

become a bed unmade,

it held me close and

wrapped me up in spades.

my concentration broken,

my thoughts like bees took flight,

an angry mob that

chased me in the night;

their course was framed by peril

they robbed me of my sight,

with little hope i

fought a futile fight

but shadows only linger

when the source of light is gone,

the flower petals

open in the dawn;

their scent divides the spaces

between what’s right and wrong,

from Siren’s wail

to Hippolyta‘s song.

and so i found my senses,

my brilliant sunny day,

a shirtless stroll through

pastures blonde with hay;

a world awash with colour,

for once devoid of grey-

i made my bed. i

lie in it today…

we haven’t learned from this before

i thought things might have changed

i left you on the cutting room floor,

deranged

a long time’s passed since we were bold

and had no use for sense

the tale your lover never told,

intense

but here we sit… so many tales , so many lies

it doesn’t fit, those weak attempts, those feeble tries-

yet here we lie….so many times, so many tries

i can’t believe my love was a surprise

–

can you recall that summers night

love sauntered out the door?

there was no argument or fight

just bored

i chased it’s shadow down a lane

that had no light or curb,

i came back empty and in pain,

disturbed

the reasons for the wars we fight

don’t always coincide

with what our heart just knows is right,

decide

so here we sit… so many lies, so many tales

we don’t exist, our weak resolve, our courage frail-

and then we lie…we try our best to make the sale

i can’t believe this love was bound to fail

i heard the low thunder        well off in the mountains

i thought it so strange           blue unbroken sky

it felt that my heart                had been broken and plundered

that i was a victim                    and i was pulled under

as you told me the tale          of a life now  gone by

–

as if the fresh morning           delivers a phone call

that shatters to fragments   the dreams that lay quiet

the structure of wishes          the end of the dawning

reports in a low voice             its news without warning

eclipsing your peace        of mind            not caring why

–

but i haven’t fought                hard enough for your honour

the barrel is rusty                    bullets spray from above

we fight til we no longer        know who we’re trusting

we’re fighting like soldiers    we’re soldiers of love

(soldiers of misfortune…    soldiers of love)

–

the tips of my fingers            dance on the keyboard

the stories they tell               of the loves and the loss

are echoes of singers            hot forged in the furnace

we hear them,  we sing them     we want them to burn us

We yearn to repay them      regardless of cost

–

no i haven’t fought                hard enough for your honour

the steel trigger finger          disguised in a glove

we recognise neither             the soldier nor singer

we’re fighting like soldiers   we’re soldiers of love

(soldiers of misfortune…    soldiers of love)

–

the heart is a soldier            its bullets are wet tears

the battle is ready                 the ground is prepared

the cannon are oiled            the enemy bolder

the boundries uncertain     the passion now colder

we’ve only the hope             we can reclaim the years

–

yet I will fight on                    hard enough for your honour

the vague apparition           that’s not spoken of

With no inhibition                 no doubt who we’re trusting

we’re fighting like soldiers   we’re soldiers of love

(soldiers of fortune…            we’re soldiers of love)

stop look and listen

before you make a decision

(there’s) not much left but you want what’s right

when your heart steps over the line…….you gotta

stop look and listen

your love life needs a revision

but don’t complain if she wants the same thing

it happens every time

–

you sidle up to the mystery girl and you

listen to her, contemplating

its not as though you would ever know what she

thinks is so intoxicating

the woman’s mind is a thing so fine its a

treat you find so stimulating

take it slow ‘cause you never know if she

thinks you’re both communicating

breathe in deep

like counting sheep

(if she) lets you keep      your place in line…….  you better

–

stop look and listen

before you make a decision

(there’s) not much left but you want what’s right

when your heart steps over the line…….you gotta

stop look and listen

your love life needs a revision

you can’t complain if you want the same thing

it happens every time

–

where is the money honey?

what is the deal?

she said ‘you think i’m kidding, buddy,

can’t you tell i’m real? ’

from over by the pool table i

fell in love for sure

but now that i move closer i can’t tell if it’s her

–

the night is dark and the lights are dim and you

think you’re being captivating;

you tell your joke with its funny line and she

laughs as if you’re entertaining.

when down the hall a Neanderthal gives a

mating call thats excruciating.

she drops her gaze and begins to fade to his

tune that says ‘repopulating’

let her go

she’ll never know

what you would have shown her in time…you better

–

stop look and listen

before you make a decision

(there’s) not much left but you want what’s right

when your heart steps over the line…….you gotta

stop look and listen

your love life needs a revision

but don’t complain if she wants the same thing

it happens every time

–

stop look and listen

you don’t need no permission

if you know whats best you can leave the rest

fight one battle at a time…… you must

stop look and listen

there’s only one condition:

if you tell the truth she will follow suit and

with luck your hearts’ll be fine…

(if) i had my time again

i bet you’d find, again,

one man already     two steps out the door.

the tallest of trees will bend

anchored to earth, but then

having deep roots    doesn’t mean you can’t soar-

the stars don’t lie;  its funny that people    will bury it deep, still,

the stars don’t lie;

its just that they can’t see the point.

the time in new mexico

(we) talked about castro, you

thought he was just     a misguided messiah.

i said what i couldn’t know,

tyrants will come and go,

and this one would fade out     like smoke from a fire…   but

the stars don’t lie;  you say things for long enough, words become stronger

the stars don’t lie;

they just have no interest in us….

it seems    so     strange    that   shadow and shade are the rule

we   re-   a rrange     truth    til no one sees quite what to do…

(so) now that i understand

more than i care to, and

wish to make good on     the stakes i can claim,

i humbly hold out my hand,

admit that i have no plan

running headfirst in     the joy of the game, and

the stars don’t lie;  you may not believe and its hard to conceive that

the stars don’t lie;

the Just have to fight their own war…

there’s nothing typical about you

not hiding underneath

your every thought is visible, and yet              and yet

there’s something mystical about you

you hold to the belief

that every problem’s fixable, and yet              not yet

you’ll always meet denial

you’ll always be surprised

you may be so convinced that you can read it in their eyes

some folks are quite transparent

some people quite opaque

but they you try to second guess, i’d say it’s your mistake

so here’s a little warning, babe, i’ll tell you what i’ve heard

the past is just a catalyst that leaves the future blurred

you can’t ignore the signals if you think it might return

so pay attention, study hard, and learn what i have learned.

i have a million questions

the answers are oblique

my patience is resilient, and yet             and yet

my thoughts all spill in cadence

my task hardly unique

can’t see what blanks to fill in, not yet     and yet

the zealots and high flyers

the gypsies and the spies

all sit around the table and make plans for your demise

they’re hardly transcendental

belief is not their style

their angry eyes will slice you while they woo you with their smiles

so here’s a dire warning, babe, i’ll share what i have heard:

the future sometimes seems as if it’s already occurred;

by arrogance and vanity the truth is often spurned,

so pay the piper, slay the viper, practice what you’ve learned.

if i were invited to replay that moment

my fingers would pause on the keyboard below,

my feet would undoubtedly stick to the floor

its not that i couldn’t engage my opponent

or wield a sharp blade that was shaped like my tongue, though

it seems such a tired and ill-fated course

the fact was you told me you loved me but, hold on,

a qualified statement was soon to appear;

and i would be shaking my head even more.

for love, you explained, like a governor’s pardon

forgives all your trespasses, boxes your ears,

then kisses you gently and shows you the door.

it’s laced with the shards of a crystalline apple;

it’s luscious and juicy, diabolically sweet;

it promises more than you’ll likely endure.

you taste of it’s flesh and swallow it’s sap, it’ll

soften the hunger pains, leaving you dreaming

of sunshine on bare skin, bear rugs on the floor.

but under that countenance, breath of an angel,

the eyes of a doe or an innocent fawn,

you may be uncertain , you may be unsure;

for once again love draws its delicate curtain,

you see through your red lenses subtly drawn

you know that you’ll drop your defenses for her.

i haven’t been honest, to not say ‘i love you’ ,

to make that pronouncement then one must be sane.

but then again, i haven’t tried to demur…

its all about context, and what it means to you,

and if it’s a risk that you’d take on again.

for it could be a remedy, if not a cure.

go, dream about princes, go dream about pearls,

don’t trust in the stories that flatter your ear.

there’s only one author who knows what’s in store;

she speaks to the boys and he speaks to the girls,

the language , tho’ gendered , reveals loud and clear

that life, with love in it, is what we’re here for…

i have been reckless, impatient and cruel;

and i have no sufferance for this kind of fool.

so petty and selfish and heartless, it’s true,

unreasonable men have unreasonable rules.

you’d rather i cover up all that i do?

make vague allegations about what ensues?

that’s hardly what i was expecting from you,

it’s all or it’s nothing, and nothing’s renewed.

you preach law and order, a code or a rule;

i say that’s fictitious, facetious, untrue.

i try to explain but i talk til i’m blue,

and the final result is: it’s too hard to do.

come on! get real! you feel what i feel?

it’s not who’s at risk here, it’s who does the deal!

come on! get smart! it’s hardly an art!

it’s theatre, it’s drama, we’re playing our part.

i love you completely, intense and profound;

i love you so much my feet don’t touch the ground.

but i’m not content to just hover around

it’s all or it’s nothing, and nothing is sound.

if you can’t commit to me, you’d better flee

‘cause nothing’s (as) important as love is to me.

i’ll put up with all of the faults i can see

if you say you love me: my reason to be.

come on! get smart! it’s hardly an art!

it’s theatre, it’s drama, we’re playing our part.

come on! get real! you feel what i feel?

it’s not who’s at risk here, it’s who does the deal!

It was 12 or 13 years ago on Tuesday, way up north,

I was teaching CPR and first aid, a beginner’s course.

There was high school, there was old school, pleasant banter back and forth

When the ghastly news came crackling down the wire.

We were working with a dummy who had had a heart attack

And the younger kids were nervous when we laid it on its back.

Its skin was soft and rubbery,  it’s eyes and gaze were slack

When the world around ignited like a fire.

Now, we were far from modern,  ’bout as far as you can get

And the fact of evil doers hadn’t hit us just as yet

But when we heard those towers fell,  and saw it on the set

Humanity got roasted on a pyre.

the kids were scared, the elders fared no better from the news

their world imploded, ghostly terror peeked from every view.

neighbors became enemies due to actions of a few,

and common sense was no longer required.

There are no natural borders now, there’s only us and them;

We’re scared, we’re proud, we’re jingo loud, and so quick to condemn;

these catastrophic incidents should wake us up, but when?

instead the moral ground we claim is higher..

there are no lessons to be learned, there’s just a raging fever.

the good guys here, the bad guys there, both camps full of believers.

we don’t address the problem at its core, and so we leave it

to the business corporate governmental patriotic choir.

by now a dozen years gone by, and, starting to unfold,

are little groups of sanity and little actions bold;

we string us all together, the true story will be told

and our kids will take control  as we retire.

we’re ‘sorry this’ and ‘sorry that’, and yes we’re bloody sorry,

a sorry lot is old mankind, it makes a father worry;

belief in ‘x’, and faith in ‘y’, our vision’s getting blurry,

let’s leave the ghosts, and ‘lord of hosts’; to our true selves aspire….

i thought we had agreement?

i thought we had a plan?

you thought we had an arrangement;

you thought we had a scam.

i thought you were committed?

you thought that i was sure?

i thought you had a vision?

i thought there was a cure?

you thought there was an exit?

i thought we had a deal?

i thought it was apparent?

i thought that we would heal?

i didn’t think i’d lose you,

i didn’t think i’d care,

you didn’t let me choose to,

i wasn’t quite prepared.

i never had the option.

you never gave an inch.

i didn’t have the stomach.

you didn’t even flinch.

i threw in the towel,

you threw out the bath;

i ran down the sidewalk,

you walked down the path.

you were so forgiving,

i was indiscreet,

i wrestled with my conscience

you left me incomplete.

i thought we were a couple?

i thought we were a pair?

you thought of us as buddies

i thought that wasn’t fair.

so now i think about love

and now i know despair;

and you and i both know that

you and i are…..nowhere…….