jmidworth

(if) i had my time again

i bet you’d find, again,

one man already     two steps out the door.

the tallest of trees will bend

anchored to earth, but then

having deep roots    doesn’t mean you can’t soar-

the stars don’t lie;  its funny that people    will bury it deep, still,

the stars don’t lie;

its just that they can’t see the point.

the time in new mexico

(we) talked about castro, you

thought he was just     a misguided messiah.

i said what i couldn’t know,

tyrants will come and go,

and this one would fade out     like smoke from a fire…   but

the stars don’t lie;  you say things for long enough, words become stronger

the stars don’t lie;

they just have no interest in us….

it seems    so     strange    that   shadow and shade are the rule

we   re-   a rrange     truth    til no one sees quite what to do…

(so) now that i understand

more than i care to, and

wish to make good on     the stakes i can claim,

i humbly hold out my hand,

admit that i have no plan

running headfirst in     the joy of the game, and

the stars don’t lie;  you may not believe and its hard to conceive that

the stars don’t lie;

the Just have to fight their own war…

there’s nothing typical about you

not hiding underneath

your every thought is visible, and yet              and yet

there’s something mystical about you

you hold to the belief

that every problem’s fixable, and yet              not yet

you’ll always meet denial

you’ll always be surprised

you may be so convinced that you can read it in their eyes

some folks are quite transparent

some people quite opaque

but they you try to second guess, i’d say it’s your mistake

so here’s a little warning, babe, i’ll tell you what i’ve heard

the past is just a catalyst that leaves the future blurred

you can’t ignore the signals if you think it might return

so pay attention, study hard, and learn what i have learned.

i have a million questions

the answers are oblique

my patience is resilient, and yet             and yet

my thoughts all spill in cadence

my task hardly unique

can’t see what blanks to fill in, not yet     and yet

the zealots and high flyers

the gypsies and the spies

all sit around the table and make plans for your demise

they’re hardly transcendental

belief is not their style

their angry eyes will slice you while they woo you with their smiles

so here’s a dire warning, babe, i’ll share what i have heard:

the future sometimes seems as if it’s already occurred;

by arrogance and vanity the truth is often spurned,

so pay the piper, slay the viper, practice what you’ve learned.

if i were invited to replay that moment

my fingers would pause on the keyboard below,

my feet would undoubtedly stick to the floor

its not that i couldn’t engage my opponent

or wield a sharp blade that was shaped like my tongue, though

it seems such a tired and ill-fated course

the fact was you told me you loved me but, hold on,

a qualified statement was soon to appear;

and i would be shaking my head even more.

for love, you explained, like a governor’s pardon

forgives all your trespasses, boxes your ears,

then kisses you gently and shows you the door.

it’s laced with the shards of a crystalline apple;

it’s luscious and juicy, diabolically sweet;

it promises more than you’ll likely endure.

you taste of it’s flesh and swallow it’s sap, it’ll

soften the hunger pains, leaving you dreaming

of sunshine on bare skin, bear rugs on the floor.

but under that countenance, breath of an angel,

the eyes of a doe or an innocent fawn,

you may be uncertain , you may be unsure;

for once again love draws its delicate curtain,

you see through your red lenses subtly drawn

you know that you’ll drop your defenses for her.

i haven’t been honest, to not say ‘i love you’ ,

to make that pronouncement then one must be sane.

but then again, i haven’t tried to demur…

its all about context, and what it means to you,

and if it’s a risk that you’d take on again.

for it could be a remedy, if not a cure.

go, dream about princes, go dream about pearls,

don’t trust in the stories that flatter your ear.

there’s only one author who knows what’s in store;

she speaks to the boys and he speaks to the girls,

the language , tho’ gendered , reveals loud and clear

that life, with love in it, is what we’re here for…

i have been reckless, impatient and cruel;

and i have no sufferance for this kind of fool.

so petty and selfish and heartless, it’s true,

unreasonable men have unreasonable rules.

you’d rather i cover up all that i do?

make vague allegations about what ensues?

that’s hardly what i was expecting from you,

it’s all or it’s nothing, and nothing’s renewed.

you preach law and order, a code or a rule;

i say that’s fictitious, facetious, untrue.

i try to explain but i talk til i’m blue,

and the final result is: it’s too hard to do.

come on! get real! you feel what i feel?

it’s not who’s at risk here, it’s who does the deal!

come on! get smart! it’s hardly an art!

it’s theatre, it’s drama, we’re playing our part.

i love you completely, intense and profound;

i love you so much my feet don’t touch the ground.

but i’m not content to just hover around

it’s all or it’s nothing, and nothing is sound.

if you can’t commit to me, you’d better flee

‘cause nothing’s (as) important as love is to me.

i’ll put up with all of the faults i can see

if you say you love me: my reason to be.

come on! get smart! it’s hardly an art!

it’s theatre, it’s drama, we’re playing our part.

come on! get real! you feel what i feel?

it’s not who’s at risk here, it’s who does the deal!

It was 12 or 13 years ago on Tuesday, way up north,

I was teaching CPR and first aid, a beginner’s course.

There was high school, there was old school, pleasant banter back and forth

When the ghastly news came crackling down the wire.

We were working with a dummy who had had a heart attack

And the younger kids were nervous when we laid it on its back.

Its skin was soft and rubbery,  it’s eyes and gaze were slack

When the world around ignited like a fire.

Now, we were far from modern,  ’bout as far as you can get

And the fact of evil doers hadn’t hit us just as yet

But when we heard those towers fell,  and saw it on the set

Humanity got roasted on a pyre.

the kids were scared, the elders fared no better from the news

their world imploded, ghostly terror peeked from every view.

neighbors became enemies due to actions of a few,

and common sense was no longer required.

There are no natural borders now, there’s only us and them;

We’re scared, we’re proud, we’re jingo loud, and so quick to condemn;

these catastrophic incidents should wake us up, but when?

instead the moral ground we claim is higher..

there are no lessons to be learned, there’s just a raging fever.

the good guys here, the bad guys there, both camps full of believers.

we don’t address the problem at its core, and so we leave it

to the business corporate governmental patriotic choir.

by now a dozen years gone by, and, starting to unfold,

are little groups of sanity and little actions bold;

we string us all together, the true story will be told

and our kids will take control  as we retire.

we’re ‘sorry this’ and ‘sorry that’, and yes we’re bloody sorry,

a sorry lot is old mankind, it makes a father worry;

belief in ‘x’, and faith in ‘y’, our vision’s getting blurry,

let’s leave the ghosts, and ‘lord of hosts’; to our true selves aspire….

i thought we had agreement?

i thought we had a plan?

you thought we had an arrangement;

you thought we had a scam.

i thought you were committed?

you thought that i was sure?

i thought you had a vision?

i thought there was a cure?

you thought there was an exit?

i thought we had a deal?

i thought it was apparent?

i thought that we would heal?

i didn’t think i’d lose you,

i didn’t think i’d care,

you didn’t let me choose to,

i wasn’t quite prepared.

i never had the option.

you never gave an inch.

i didn’t have the stomach.

you didn’t even flinch.

i threw in the towel,

you threw out the bath;

i ran down the sidewalk,

you walked down the path.

you were so forgiving,

i was indiscreet,

i wrestled with my conscience

you left me incomplete.

i thought we were a couple?

i thought we were a pair?

you thought of us as buddies

i thought that wasn’t fair.

so now i think about love

and now i know despair;

and you and i both know that

you and i are…..nowhere…….

ive spent alot of time and energy tossing off flippant remarks and pointed one-liners… i thought it probably high time to have a decent forum for expanding a bit. when a game plan emerges, trust me, you’ll probably recognise it before i do.

like everything, you need to do something enough times, or for a long enough time, for it to start taking shape, making sense, showing some depth and body… try explaining that concept to kids.

the flavour of this introduction is to state that i am very very happy to be who i am, where i am, what i am…  i’ve come many miles and years to this point (and boy are my arms SHADDUP!).  it’d be nice to keep this up… make it a habit… take up stoking…